How to Break Up and Still Be Friends

Relationships can be tricky.  Especially if you are in one with someone you genuinely care about.  Everything seems perfect, but you suddenly find yourself realizing that you have no future with that person.  What do you do?  You still want that person in your life.  How can you break up with them, and still be friends?  

Here's a few tips to help you get through this awkward situation.

The Break -Up:

Ease into it.  Make sure you are not leading the person on one minute- then breaking it off the next minute.  Slowly distance yourself from them each day.  That way, the person will eventually get the hint that things are changing in your relationship.  Don’t drag it out too long though, because if you do, it can backfire on you.

 Break up in-person.  Obviously, the best way to break up with someone is in-person.  If you do it any other way, your bf/gf will automatically become mad at you and you can kiss your friendship goodbye.

Take your time.  Don’t rush the break up.  Think about what you are going to say.  Gather all of your feelings, and speak from the heart.  You don’t want to come across negative, or say something the wrong way.  Plan out your speech.

Be honest.  If you end up lying, your bf/gf will catch on and realize they will not be able to trust you enough to be friends.  Tell them how you feel, without placing blame on them.  Try and steer the blame on yourself without using the typical “it’s not you- it’s me” line.  Use something like, “I need to focus on myself to become a better person”. Or, “I need some time alone to figure out where my life is going”.

Deal with their response.  Make sure you understand their feelings- they may be angry and lash out.  Do not make it into a fight.  Stand your ground humbly, and stick to your decision.  Of course they are going to be angry or extremely hurt, but eventually time will cure it.  Be there for them as a friend and keep reassuring them that it is something you need to do “for yourself”.

The Transition to Friendship:

Give them time.  Time will heal the broken heart.  Depending on how intense your relationship was, it can take days, months, or even years.  Just be patient and understanding.

Keep an open communication.  Do not constantly contact them, but make sure you don’t completely lose them.  Allow them to contact you whenever they want, but keep the conversation “friends only”.  Start off slow (facebook, twitter, txt), then ease onto communicating through the phone.  If you feel that enough time has passed, you can start communicating a little more each day to grow a friendship.

Don’t jump into another relationship.  If you start dating someone else as soon as you terminated your previous relationship, that person is going to feel a big slap in the face.  If you truly want to be friends with your ex, dating someone else right after you ending things is the worst thing you can do.

Change of scenery.  Instead of going to the places you always went to with your ex, try new things.  This will help you avoid the awkwardness of running into your ex all the time.  Going to parties where you know he/she will be there can stir up drama and ruin a potential friendship.

X out the word EX.  Once you have built a friendship, start referring he/she as a ‘friend’, not an ‘ex’.  Eventually, and hopefully, it will become normal that you two are just friends.

Each relationship is different, so it is up to you to judge the timing of things and how exactly you need to deal with it.  These tips can be very helpful to you if you try them in the right way.  Good luck and happy break-up!